Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, itøs probably crap.
When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.
You can beat 40 scholars with one fact, but you cannot beat one idiot with 40 facts.
If you only want to see dog shit, then there is dog shit.
We are not all in the same boat. We are all in the same storm.
The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
No matter how many grains of gold I serve you, you keep eating oatmeal, and I can’t become my problem.
I knew we had to drive on cobblestones, but I didn’t know they had thrown them down from a helicopter.
If you absolutely don’t have time to make your own mayonnaise, Hellmann’s Mayonnaise is the only store-bought mayonnaise that will do.
An amazing breathlessness arises because we fill our lives with emptiness and Facebook. In a discussion about the empty calories of Facebook, someone close to me said with great seriousness: “I have 190 friends on Facebook.” Then I replied: “Yes, but hardly one of them will pick up your coffin the day you leave here.” Why not use the time for some fewer and real friends in the real world.
Maintain a natural gait even if you shit your pants
Life is not about waiting for the storm to subside. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.
If the penalty for a crime is a fine, then that law only exists for the lower class.
If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.
Idleness is the root of all art
Lotto is a tax for stupid people. An extra tax.
If you live for weekends or vacations, your shit is broken.
There is always a bigger fish.
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
A developed country is not a place where the poor have cars. This is where the rich use public transport.
If someone says it’s raining and another person says it’s dry, it’s not your job to quote them both. Your job is to look out the fucking window and find out which is true.
I hate all those weathermen who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing, so get yourself a sexy raincoat and live a little.
One of the things I can’t get my hands on is something like “Mothers’ Clubs”, where instead of reading a book and walking in nature with their babies, they sit and talk about vomit and nappies and burping with other like-minded people and get nowhere. I think it bothers me a little in the women’s area.
I won! I won! I don’t have to go to school anymore.