The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.
If someone says it’s raining and another person says it’s dry, it’s not your job to quote them both. Your job is to look out the fucking window and find out which is true.
It’s okay to be a little fucked up in the head. We all are. It’s only when you’re fucked up in the heart that makes you a piece of shit.
Lotto is a tax for stupid people. An extra tax.
When you tear out a man’s tongue, you are not proving, him a liar: you’re only telling the world that you fear what he might say.
Isn’t it great to see so many men in bike shorts?
I won! I won! I don’t have to go to school anymore.
I hate all those weathermen who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing, so get yourself a sexy raincoat and live a little.
If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.
life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you’re gonna get.
The pill is one of the biggest advances I’ve seen.
We are not all in the same boat. We are all in the same storm.
You can beat 40 scholars with one fact, but you cannot beat one idiot with 40 facts.
His shiny ice flashes like the sword of Athens in the setting French evening sun.
No matter how many grains of gold I serve you, you keep eating oatmeal, and I can’t become my problem.
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
With great powers comes great responsibilities.
How many cars do I have? Do I also have to count the Volvos?
Life is like a game of chess. I don’t know how to play chess.
When I was a child, ladies and gentlemen, I was a dreamer. I read comic books and I was the hero of the comic book. I saw movies and I was the hero in the movie. So every dream I ever dreamed has come true a hundred times…I learned very early in life that: ‘Without a song, the day would never end; without a song, a man ain’t got a friend; without a song, the road would never bend – without a song.’ So I keep singing a song. Goodnight. Thank you.
There is always a bigger fish.
When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.
One of the things I can’t get my hands on is something like “Mothers’ Clubs”, where instead of reading a book and walking in nature with their babies, they sit and talk about vomit and nappies and burping with other like-minded people and get nowhere. I think it bothers me a little in the women’s area.
A man should only work 4 hours a day so he may have time to devote himself to the arts and sciences.
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.